Seasonal bows 🌸🌿🍂❄️

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

unrelated but one of the bad fanfiction lines that has been trapped in my head for LITERALLY 22 years was a beauty and the beast fanfic in which belle said “be careful, im a virgin in my vagina”. this has been on the tip of my tongue threatening to burst out of my mouth for decades

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

The absolutely hilarity of imagining some older vampires hectoring younger ones. “Back in my day, I had to drink blood with radium in it and I liked it! We glowed in the damn dark for weeks!”